Becoming a Self-Aware Parent
Awareness is having knowledge of or being familiar with something. Peeling back the layers to reveal your whole self can seem like a big undertaking, if you seldom engage in self- reflection but building self awareness in one area can change the way you interact with your child and, in turn, can change the way your child responds to you. In the article Cultivating Self-Awareness in Parents , Tsabary stated that some of the manifestations of problems that show up in children are not of their own doing but rather with parents who are not sufficiently enlightened, awake, or conscious. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/greater-good-science-center/cultivating-self-awareness
Many times, parents are not aware of some of their wounds that get passed down to their children, which can inherently harmed them growing up. Some of those wounds can be ineffective coping skills, poor boundaries, emotional sensitivities, rigid beliefs, and destructive relationship patterns, all of which can be passed down from parent to child. Ofcourse, there is nothing inherently wrong with the process of passing down certain aspects of you to your child. The passing down phenomenon is a natural part of parenting and of relationship in general.
My Parenting View
As a parent, I have come to realized that parenting is the ultimate long-term investment that challenges you to be the best parent to your children. We parents exert enormous influence over our children’s development, therefore it is important that they receive a good moral value and recognize that they come into the world with their own temperaments. Our parenting skills are uniquely based according to our own upbringing, faith, knowledge, culture, and life experience. So at the same time we can nurture them and back down from the pervasive supervision, control, and direction that would inhibit them to manifest their authentic being. In many cases over the course of the years, I felt my investment and sacrifices as a single mother would avail to nothing. Oftentimes I faced the uncertainty of not knowing if my decisions will have negative or positive impact in my daughter’s life. Ultimately goal is to encourage and support in all her endeavors to live a life of complete independence.
As a single parent, I have learned a lot about myself in raising my daughter, often times I try to project my own needs, dreams and expectation onto my daughter and later reflect how my own parents did the exact same thing which I hated as a child. Like my parents, I thought using strict supervision in raising my daughter would align her to conform to my parenting skills but I soon found that it would only detour her ability to manifest her authentic self and create a void in our relationship.
One of the most important things I have learned so far is to put far more into building a stronger relationship with my daughter and allow her to naturally thrives with empowerment and discover her own ability to strive as an individual. I have also learned that rules can be enforce but how we go about it without being controlling and not to traumatize them with our own common beliefs that would only blind us from seeing them for who they truly are. My job as a parent is to parent with love and become a self-aware parent who is willing to create healthy boundaries that would prepare her for the future.